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Pagan Terms--Humor

1st Degree- A person who gets to do all the work.

2nd Degree- A person who gets to complain about the 1st degrees and the High Priestess.

3rd Degree- A person who never shows up at rituals.

Athame- A ritual knife; the bigger the knife, the less power the bearer has.

Book of Shadows- A messy, handwritten book that contains copies of everyone else's rituals.

Ceremonial Magician- Someone with bad hygiene habits, who reads Crowley, takes drugs and practices looking menacing.

Circle- Some assemblage of people standing or sitting in an uneven, or oval shape.

Coven- A bunch of people who fight like family and get together several times a month to party.

Crowley- A weird guy whom lots of people worship because he died a syphilitic drug addict. (Kinda like Curt Cobain and Elvis).

Full Moon- Any Saturday that occurs sometime close to the actual calendar full moon.

High Priest- Whoever the High Priestess is sleeping with this week.

High Priestess- A self-appointed leader; must be bossy, opinionated and have a large ego.

Initiation- Status that you receive after a big party held in your honor.

Magick- Any weird result after you do a spell or ritual for something; may or may not have anything to do with what you were working for.

Maiden- An ambitious 2nd degree (usually a wommon) who aspires to be High Priestess, so she can do things right!

New Moon- A chance for the High Priestess to get really drunk and sleep with (and initiate) a new High Priest.

Pagan- A person who wears tie dye and practices the party religion.

Pagan Standard Time- If a ritual is scheduled for 6pm, people show up around 9, and the ritual finally gets started at 10:30.

Pagan Daylight Time- If a ritual is scheduled for noon, everyone usually shows up before dark.

Ritual- A reason to assemble with others, kvetch and eventually have some sort of ceremony.

Ritual Wear- A flashy dress or outfit that makes the wearer look like an actor in a bad fantasy movie.

Sabbat- Any Saturday close to the actual day, excuse for a big party.

Wiccan- Conservative person who wears normal clothes, lots of jewelry, recycles everything and used to be a witch.

Witch- Someone who wears lots of black and jewelry, reads Gardner and practices the party religion.

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